The Good Ship Rediscovery: Louis XIV - The Best Little Secrets Are Kept

We all forget about the older stuff from time to time, in our quest to stay up to speed with the latest and greatest. But one should always respect their elders. So don’t forget about them, y’hear?

[Ed. note - this review was never ever published! It's from the archives, way on the heck back there. Minor edits. An oldie but a goodie. Enjoy!] Louis XIV is the musical embodiment of an over-sexed, very naughty Catholic schoolgirl who is forever getting into trouble for her too-short skirt and smoking in the girls' room. But then, one really shouldn't have expected otherwise from a band named after a notoriously horny monarch. And the lust-laden apple hasn't fallen far from the tree.

The cover art of their major label debut, The Best Little Secrets Are Kept, features the rear end of a naked lady leaning against a wall, song titles handwritten on her back. The lustiness carries over into the songs themselves: pure bursts of sex-crazed, danceably trashy glam rock that are so tuneful you almost don't notice when singer-producer-lothario Jason Hill tries to get into your pants. The boys of Louis XIV are irrepressibly sexy and they know it. They've got you right where they want you from the opening strings of "Louis XIV," and by the closing notes of "Ball of Twine" you'll be begging for more.

The album starts off with a bang, with the lyrical boast "I'm a weapon of mass destruction," sung in Hill's patented threateningly seductive style on "Louis XIV." Thankfully, the goods to back up this statement abound. Not only is Hill a weapon of mass destruction, but a weapon of mass seduction as well. The ten tracks are rife with saucy innuendo, from "show me yours babe and I'll show you mine ("Paper Doll")" to "we don't have to go to the pool if you want me to make you wet ("Pledge of Allegiance")." There's a veritable smorgasbord of come-on lines, many occurring in Louis XIV's own homage to "(I Wish They All Could Be) California Girls," "Finding Out True Love Is Blind." There's just no escaping it: Louis XIV want to jump your bones.

Replete with dirty little moans, throaty, come-hither vocals, and raunchy guitars, Louis XIV hearken back to the halcyon days of glam rock's glittery past. They proudly carry the banner for sex, eyeliner, and rock'n'roll. T. Rex and Roxy Music are alive and well on The Best Little Secrets Are Kept. Marc Bolan would probably be quite flattered. It's only a matter of time before teenage girls everywhere are throwing lacy panties onstage - if they aren't already.


  1. I have a poster of that cover somewhere...


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